On my emotional development level wanting to please others is important. My True Love is the perfect example of how this shows up in my life. Once I had the hiccups, and after listening to it for a while, he got tired of it, and said to me: “Okay, that’s enough.” And the hiccups was gone. That has worked ever since. Every time I have hiccups, I can just bring to mind him saying that line to me, and I stop to hiccup. It’s brilliant!
Pleasing others has however resulted in lack of assertiveness. A few weeks ago I did a clarity through contrast process with a dear friend and a fellow coach, because I had had experiences of conversations which had left me feeling insecure and uncomfortable. On the contrast side I had written “I don’t want to end up in situations where I don’t know what to say or how to reply.” And then I struck through that statement.
When I had figured out what it was I did want, the sentence on the clarity side stated “I know always what to say and I feel proud of myself of how I handle the situation.” Reading that statement out loud made me feel empowered and optimistic. I could recall one occasion in the past when I had acted in that way, and I still felt proud of myself. For couple of days I re-read the statement, but then my focus moved on to other things.
Just a couple of days ago I got again proof how powerful it is to put a thought in to my mind with strong positive emotions. I was putting the dishes to the dishwasher, while my True Love sat by the table holding our little one on his lap. I was organizing the kettles to be just the way I wanted, and was most likely adjusting them for the third time, when my True Love made the famous comment: “Okay, that’s enough.”
There the new clarity kicked in. I replied to him: “You can go to the living room, if you can’t stand watching!” I could hear that he was little taken aback when he answered with a low voice: “I just thought you wouldn’t stand reorganizing those kettles anymore.” I understand his view point and his attempt to help me stop doing something he took as unnecessary.
But I was SO proud of myself for that comment. I didn’t took his words as the absolute truth. I didn’t feel bad about reorganizing those kettles for the third or fourth time. I was able to protect the activity that was important to me. And no negative feelings came afterwards either. I’m still proud of myself for standing up for myself.