Yesterday I was having a chat with a friend who shared how she is constantly worrying about everything possible. She is a mom like me and keeps building up negative stories about the present and the future of her son. She was worried already when pregnant and continues now on the same path. At that moment my comment was about the way how our brains are wired to focus on the negative, how we want to be prepared, and how we usually tend to prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario.
Next time we meet I want to congratulate her for her awareness of her thoughts. Only when we are aware of something we have the opportunity to change it. This growing awareness of my own thoughts is something that I have been working on actively for several months now. The story began eight years ago with my intolerance toward the negative talk of other people and it has deepened to include my own inner negativity.
I’m grateful for all the teachers I have had so far, who have helped me become aware of the different forms of negativity that I have been practicing. Abraham through Esther Hicks laid the foundation for awareness of my thoughts. Lately Gabby guided me to become aware of my judgemental thoughts. And the latest discovery is Kyle Cease with his video Being Realistic is Delusional, where he points out how we in our minds are creating problems and then finding ways to fix those imaginary problems.
My awareness of my thoughts undulates. Sometimes I became aware of unwanted thoughts right at the moment they pop into my mind. Sometimes I notice that I have been building up a negative story for quite some time before becoming aware of doing it. Kyle suggests to bring my focus on the present moment, on the things that are real. My breath, my heartbeat, the things I can hear or see in my surroundings. Things to which we don’t normally pay attention.
If I take Gabby’s word on it, this waviness of my awareness is something that will stay. I will learn to lower the highs and higher the lows, but it won’t become completely stable. Ken on the other hand takes this topic on to a whole new level, which at the moment is over my head. The main thing is that I know there’s work to do and that I’m on it.