It turned out that both of my parents have a defined Emotional Solar Plexus. No wonder that I have a lot of emotional package to unpack. The question “Is this really how I feel?” helps me most of the time to let the emotions flow through me. When I am around emotionally defined people things get more difficult. But as I have written earlier, my growth is tested in interactions with others.
My mentor has mentioned several times the difference between sympathy and empathy. She describes the empathic person feeling the emotions of the other but staying distant from them, not getting involved in them. The sympathetic person takes in the emotions and amplifies them, continuing the conversation with “Yeah, and one time when I…” My mentor’s distinction makes me think about a person who listens and one who doesn’t.
A person who listens doesn’t think about what to say next. She is fully present with what the other one is saying, trying to understand the situation from his perspective. She isn’t adding anything to her first impressions keeping the story clean. She doesn’t play any of the roles of the drama triangle, but sees all relationships through the lens of empowered dynamics. This is the description of my idea of a coach.
I find myself becoming angry toward the person who makes me feel those negative emotions. I’m not able to keep myself distant, but am getting actively involved with the emotional situation. But this is me getting into a victim mode. Even though I can say that the other person ‘makes’ me feel in a certain way, it’s still in my control how I react to experiencing those emotions.
So to get out of the role of a Victim, I shall ask myself the question “What do I want?” I want to learn to be more of a screen and less of a sponge. I want to learn to stay calm in those situation where others are feeling strongly, especially negative emotions. I want to learn to react lovingly and understandingly to others negativity. I want to become a full-time coach.